Still No Medals? WTF?

So our beloved, forward thinking government has officially decided to axe Prom Art, a $4.7 million federal program that subsidizes the costs of Canadian artists who tour internationally. Their reasoning behind this cut to the arts was:

a) budgetary concerns

b) "...we felt some of the groups were not necessarily ones we thought Canadians would agree were the best choices to be representing them internationally," said Foreign Affairs Minister David Emerson's spokesperson Anne Howland who, according to CBC.ca, cited Polaris Prize shortlisters Holy Fuck as an example.

Now I'll ignore a) since I don't really wanna go there, but I just gotta comment on b). After all, it's the band's or artist's name that matters NOT the art they produce right?

So I have some alternative names for a few Canadian bands/artists who venture out globally, making us all look bad.

1. Holy Fuck

At first I thought 'Spirited Fornication' would be less offensive, but then realized it still portrays that negative image of Canadians being actively promiscuous. A way better, less offensive name is 'Divine Hugging'.

2. Barenaked Ladies

For starters, they're an all-male band who, as far as I know, are perpetually clothed and, therefore, their choice of band name is very misleading. And what us Canadians don't want are foreigners thinking Canadian women run around naked all the time in this country. So I suggest these fellows adopt the moniker "Always Clothed Men" since it's both accurate and innocuous.

3. Burton Cummings

Our hometown guitarist has an unfortunate last name, which is guaranteed to make sexually inexperienced teenagers all over the world giggle. It's gotta go. "Burton Walker" has cadence, is practical (ex-name of the Theatre) and as an added bonus, sounds like a tough, western hero. Lee Marvin eat your heart out.

4. The Papsmears

I think this all-female group from Gimli are quite good and have a fun, catchy power-punk sound, but still, their name is just too darn offensive and should be changed to "The Check-Ups" if they want some funding in the future.

5. Nickelback

Whoops. My bad. It's the music I find offensive (sorry Nickelback lovers).

Any I missed?

Current rotation: The Olympics.